The STROKE
June 2, 2002

---Many have asked me, ''What was it like.'' People are referring to the STROKE. People seem to want to know what is was like, if I felt pain, and did I lose consciousness. Someone also asked if it affected my ability to perform-sexually. I will answer the last question- last, as it will keep your attention.
---Since you have probably skipped ahead and are not so preoccupied, I will continue. I was a bleeder and bled into the brain-stem area of the brain affecting my right side. My balance was compromised and I can no longer walk. I am legally blind in my right eye and my speech was more affected than it is now. I had what is called, dysarthria. I, also have, double-vision. I see two images instead of the usual, binocular-type, vision, that most have. With the movement disorder, the Holmes Tremor, that has come into play on the right-side, there is a ''bouncing'' that happens with everything I can ''see'' on the right-side. Sometimes I wear an eye-patch. Out of 2500 Stroke-Survivors tested, only 29 developed a Movement Disorder. Just over 1%. Most Stroke Survivors have a paralysis.
---I was at work when the stroke occurred. I had been talking to a co-worker. We were discussing the ''group'' I was to facilitate, later in the day, when I suddenly was ''very thirsty.'' I walked to my office, not so easy now, and I sat in a chair. I proceeded to ''throw-up'' in the waste basket. I knew something was happening, but I didn't know what it was. I thought I would wait it out.
---Things were not improving and the Nurse was called in. She decided that the ambulance should be called. They brought me to the nearest hospital. I never lost consciousness, but the term cerebral hemorrhage was used. A co-worker said she would deal with my apartment, cat, etc. so as to make me as free from worry as possible. I was admitted to the hospital.
---I remember thinking that they will never let me leave like this. I was unable to walk and really did not know what had happened. Nobody had really told ''me'' what was going on. I had to surmise much. As, I said, my mobility was bad, and I couldn't do too much, but I didn't know what to do, anyway. I didn't know what I could or could not do, so I just layed there.
---Everything was ''dealwithable'' until the speech therapist said, ''This man CANNOT EAT.'' That got my attention. I remember saying, ''WHAT MAN? Who are you referring to? WHAT MAN CANNOT EAT?'' I knew she meant me, but I was NOT going to let this go, easily. Eating seemed VERY IMPORTANT. A lot of energy was there for awhile, but it did seem easier to remain relatively quiet.
---It took a few years to get the Swallowing under control. By this I mean, I finally signed a paper, with only my ''mark'' of course, that stated that '' No one will be held responsible in the event their is any choking, or whathaveyou. I take full responsibility for everything I eat.'' I was then allowed to eat in peace. I eat alone and this has given me the time I needed to learn to eat, properly and safely.
---Oh, yeah, the sexuality question. I was never very physical anyway so, the question is really N/A. As you can probably tell, I am much more the talker. HELP ME!! Just kidding. Someday, I may write about channelling the sexual energy up the spine.The Kundalini. I will just add that dealing with your sexuality doesn't mean DENIAL. It is to INTEGRATE it in EVERYTHING one does. ''The best way around something is to go through it.'' Be Honest and you will Be Well.
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[Since The Picture Above Is Only A Drawing, I Ok'ed It. NO Cat Was Hurt WhenThe ''Cartoon'' Was Drawn. - CHLOE The CAT]